Go to the Pearly Gates, take a left, and there beside the guy with the harp on Cloud Nine, is St. Peter’s Investments, Inc. The First National Bank Of The Great Beyond is down to your right. Can’t miss it. Across the street, Angelic Trust Company is building a branch near The Big Guy’s Barbecue.
Dying isn’t so bad when the streets of the afterlife seem to be paved with gold – at least for more than a few dead millionaires.
I just read Forbes.com’s list of Top-Earning Dead Celebrities. Elvis, dead since 1977, earned $49 million in the last twelve months. John Lennon was right on The King’s celestial financial heels with $44 million during the same period. Imagine indeed.
Charles Shultz certainly isn’t making peanuts since he flew Snoopy’s doghouse into a $35 million paycheck over there. Patti Boyd may have left George Harrison for Eric Clapton, and both of them may have written books in the last year about that famous musically documented romantic rivalry, but dead George made $22 million last year. My sweet lord, that’s some Fab Four karma right there.
As I read about these dead earners rolling over in departed dough, I felt like a lazy bum compared to these hard-earning stiffs.
In the last year, Albert Einstein thought up $18 million, Andy Warhol painted $15 million. Dr. Seuss liked green eggs and ham to the tune of $13 million, and Tupac Shakur rapped to the tune of $9 million. This is pathetic. My accountant needs to talk to a psychic. Where’s my Ouiji Board? Marilyn
Monroe picked up $7 million, Steve McQueen earned $6 million, James Brown shook up $5 mil and Bob Marley toked $4 million. Even old, worn-out James Dean made $3.5 million. That’s a lot of posters down at Spencer’s.
I’ve always heard that everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die. If you’re looking for a few cool million, maybe it’s not a bad financial move. Of course there’s only one problem – you are dead over there and your money is alive over here. And the taxman still gets his share, as
John Lennon and George Harrison sang so long ago:
And my advice to
Those who die.
Declare the pennies
On your eyes.
‘Cause I’m the taxman.
Yeah, I’m the taxman.