In Virginia we have potholes on some of our highways deep enough to burst a tire and warp the rim.
“Hey, Bob, I think I ruptured a kidney on the way to work this morning.”
We have a car tax that is tantamount to buying a new car every year and paying the sales tax on it, over and over and over.
“No Car Tax.” Did I read that slogan on a lot of signs in yards during an election once? That politician is gone but the tax remains.
We have speeding laws that could cost you thousands upon thousands of dollars over several years.
Now we have legislation before the House of Delegates that would make it a crime to attach rubber bull testicles to your bumper hitch.
“Mommy, What are those things on that truck?”
“Ah, umm, oh, that, err, those are ummm, part of the ahhh, oh look! Over there! It’s a house on fire!”
It’s not surprising that politicians are afraid of anything with balls, but considering the ridiculously serious things we need to address in government, it seems a bit frivolous. Then again, constituencies ask their representatives for such things and it is the job of the elected officials to represent their home area.
Sign in yard: “No more balls.”
There’s also legislation before the House to make it a felony to steal a cat. It’s been a felony to steal a dog for years. Now all those cats hanging around the capitol lobbying for equal treatment under the law may get what they want – unless that powerful dog lobby steps in and rips the rubber nads out of the bill. While this is being debated, someone is out there changing
a tire after driving through a pothole big enough to bury several cats and dogs.
“I saw those men catnap ol’ Felix right over there on the corner. Last thing I heard him say was ‘Meeeeoooowwww!’ Wait, have you seen my dog?”
If some get their way, it will soon be legal to drive your golf cart across the highway – but not with your pet in your lap. Pet lap-driving is on the legislative docket as well.
“I have been waiting years to drive my golf cart across the highway. But I want to do it with my iguana, Phil, in my lap.”
Sorry.
Don’t laugh if you live outside of Virginia. Check your own state lawmaking agenda and you’ll find all kinds of odd activity that seems out of place in a world with deep issues that can’t get solved with both hands and a map. Offbeat laws are always being proposed, but are seldom enacted. Ah, well, except that one back in the 80’s here that made milk the Official Virginia State Beverage (it was challenged by another delegate who wanted to give bourbon that honor). Milk won and it’s on the books.
“It’s moments like this that make me feel like my tax dollars are being used for a good cause.”
A resolution is currently before the House that would recognize the town of Independence in Grayson County as the “Official Home Of The Grand Privy Race” – as in toilets, johns, out houses with wheels. Yeah.
“Come and listen to my story ‘bout a man named Gitter. Went down Main, ridin’ on a – awe no, this is a family blog. Nevermind.”
The locals race the privies down Main Street in October during the Mountain Foliage Festival. They have a Potty Princess Pageant as well. There’s a resume builder for some lucky winner.
Back to the bull testicles on bumper hitches law, just because the reason for the law is interesting. The delegate proposing the legislation said he would not know how to respond to his five-year-old granddaughter if she asked him what was hanging on those hitches. I guess he never takes her to the animal barns at the State Fair because he’d be answering that question every time she passed a bull.
“Sweetheart, that big boy right over there won first prize for –“
“Grandpaw, what in the world are those things – ?”
“How about those clowns over yonder?”
While a part of me is miffed that this is how time is spent on the taxpayer’s nickel, I realize that politics is hardly a perfect business and some of these laws, strange as they may seem, make perfect sense in light of other laws already on the books (the cat felony proposal, for instance).
I wonder if there is also a proposal to recycle all of those fake, rubber mountain oyster bumper swingers – part of the new Environmental Bill, maybe?
{NOTE: By the time you read this, things may have changed, but as of this writing, the above was being considered.}
