We have seen the combinations for years. A new movie debuts and in an effort to wedge it firmly between our attention span and our wallet, the marketing people try to toss out two past blockbusters to describe their film in a catchy sound bite blurb. I just saw this one in the New York Times:
“ Jumper. It’s Bourne meets the Matrix!”
In your mind right now, you can probably imagine exactly what is going to happen in this flick. I don’t even have to explain it. People want to see these weird combinations, like when Leno had Larry the Cable Guy, Russell Crowe, and Willie Nelson on the same show. It’s a train wreck of entertainment and we just can’t look away.
“It’s Saving Private Ryan meets Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner!”
Pathos and emotion oozes from that one doesn’t it?
“The Godfather meets The Simpson’s Movie!”
Even better. Homer makes an offer you can’t refuse.
“Mathew McConaughey meets Kate Hudson!”
Okay, there are about 10 of those out there, but wouldn’t you fork over $9.50 to see “Titanic meets The Sixth Sense” or “Rocky meets Tootsie!”?
Nothing goes better with a $6 soda and $9 tubs of 100-grams-of-fat-greased popcorn than “Bruce Lee meets Jackie Chan meets Jet Li meets Jason Statham meets Chuck Norris meets Ralph Macchio!” I can see that on several screens down at the multiplex – right next to “Gladiator meets Jaws, King Kong, and Jack Black at Adam Sandler’s house!” I’m swiping my Visa card to see that one, too.
Tell me you could resist “It’s the 40 Year-Old Virgin meets 300!”
I didn’t think so.
Let’s go for Boomers and imagine “Rambo meets The Bucket List!”
Sly stalks Jack and Morgan through a retirement village with a vengeance. “It’s Cocoon meets Nightmare On Elm Street!”
Or we cash in on some dirt: “It’s The Wild Bunch meets Platoon, starring Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton.” If it sells tabloids, it will sell tickets.
This is how Hollywood makes movies these days. You walk into a studio and say, “It’s E.T. meets Goodfellas!” That’s all you have to do. Pick up your $100 mil budget at the front desk on your way out. Juxtapose two big box office movies on either end of the word “meets” and you have thirty agents and 19 directors jamming your Blackberry (if it’s working that day).
These people are wickedly busy eating tofu and getting Siberian massages, so it helps to have a star or two in mind to toss into the mix as well. Example:
“It’s A Wonderful Life meets Taxi Driver with Will Ferrell and Jessica Alba.”
You assemble some verbiage like that and you’ll have front row seats at the Oscars before you can say, “It’s Scarface meets Annie Hall!”
I tried to call several studios last week with some tantalizing combos and famous names.
“It’s Fargo meets Star Wars starring George Clooney!” No response. So I worked a little harder.
“It’s Easy Rider meets Dances With Wolves meets Fargo, Forrest Gump, and The French Connection meeting Silence Of The Lambs starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Dustin Hoffman, and David Hasselhoff!”
I got a call back from a guy who said he was Quentin Tarantino. We’re doing lunch next Friday.
