After 24-hour-a-day basketball, what are we supposed to watch now? American Idol? Baseball that doesn’t matter? Diners, Drive-Ins and the Toast Chees I used to eat every day for lunch?
(flipping channels)
I have seen how everything is made.
(flipping channels)
I have been lost.
(flipping)
I can whisper to dogs and cook like Rachel (not Maddow) and I hope the bachelor drowns in that 24-person hot tub with twelve clawing women.
(flipping)
I know that the catch is not that deadly.
(flipping)
I understand that stars can dance.
(mindless channel flipping one after another)
Who cares if the NFL is reloading millionaires while the rest of the country suffers layoffs? Where is the love for Larry King and Al Roker? Steroids in baseball. The Shawshank Redemption. Andy, Barney, Gomer, Lucy, Gilligan – it is a 500-channel desert at the end of my remote control. Geez there’s Jeopardy. I’ll take April Sucks for $1,000, Alex.
(flip)
Oh, here we go. CNN. Trillions here. Corporate greed there. The little type scrolls across the bottom of the screen: Iraq, stock market, ugh; A, I and G are three letters I hope I never see again. Too big to fail? What is the right size to fail? Is my live savings too big to fail? Nope.
Strangely, humans learn more from losing than winning. Coaches won’t admit that – until they lose. Considering that April is the month that hosts April 15th, losing seems like an appropriate subject.
It is spring. Flowers crank up. Leaves put out. April showers bring May flowers. That tells me, get ready for some quadrupulous rain in April. Hello Mr. Cantore.
Years ago, when we lived in Texas, April was the month when the sky turned greenish purple and the wind did its damndest to hammer our car with baseball-sized hail and blow the shingles off our roof, even when the sun shined. That is April.
This is what April means: Jim Baker married Tammy Faye in April. Marvin Gaye was shot by his father in April. CBS fired Brent Mussburger in April. Iraq started using mustard gas on civilians in April. Coincidence? Perhaps. Or maybe April just really sucks.
I attempted to talk to a woman in a grocery store; get her April wisdom. Here is what she said:
“I have pepper spray.”
That is April.
May can’t get here fast enough.
