Christmas morning 1972. Smells of link sausage hang above a table filling with grits, eggs, cathead biscuits and homemade jelly from the blueberry bush out back. The aroma of Prell shampoo sneaks out from under the bathroom door and blends with the scents that were uncorked during Christmas Eve’s gift opening. For some reason wrapping paper smells different after it has been crumpled on the floor next to a small stack of tie boxes and folded socks. But the holidays bring back several after shave smells that are being revived, are hard to find or are no longer with us. Every year, someone in my family got a bottle of either British Sterling, English Leather, Jade East, Brut, Old Spice or Hai Karate.
Hai Karate was the coolest. It was cheap, smelled pretty good and came with a self defense manual to keep women from attacking you while wearing it. The ads warned: “Be careful how you use it.” I don’t know if it a coincidence that Axe markets itself the same way today, but it is ironic.
I can testify to the seductive power of the stuff. I used Hai Karate to convince a country club girl to go to a dance with me. She would not have gone had I not lubed my entire torso in it. Sadly, I don’t think Hai Karate is manufactured anymore.
Jade East is still available and according to Amazon, “It has been in production since the sixties and is as popular now as it was then.” It was like the third cousin of Hai Karate. For some reason, I associate this one with Annie Green Springs. Wait, that was another date. Never mind.
English Leather was pungent and thick-smelling and still is. It didn’t take much Leather to get the job done. It was English, or so I thought (I was in Alabama) and came topped with a wooden cap (which gave it an air of sophistication). I imagined James Bond smelled like English Leather. Here’s what Amazon has to say about it: “Launched by the design house of Dana in 1949, ENGLISH LEATHER is a men’s fragrance that possesses a blend of citrus, woods, moss and leather, rich and masculine. It is recommended for casual wear.” I think it was the moss that made you masculine. Women just won’t wear moss.
British Sterling is from the same people that make English Leather (duh, they’re obviously both English). According to FrangrenceX.com, “Launched by the design house of Dana in 1965, British Sterling is classified as a refined, spicy, lavender, amber fragrance. This masculine scent possesses a blend of warm woods, citrus, amber and moss. It is recommended for evening wear.”
There’s the moss thing again. The British are big on moss.
Brut is still going strong. I’ve splashed a few bottles on me over the years. Joe Namath did those Brut commercials back in the day. Amazon oddly describes it like this: “BRUT After-Shave Lotion is a refreshing way to tigthen your pores after shaving, while adding the fresh scent of BRUT to your routine.”
Of course it adds the scent of Brut to your routine; especially if you just rubbed it on your tightened pores.
I saved the best for last: Old Spice. 71 years of stink-killing success cannot be ignored. I love Old Spice. Their awesome website asks to to click on links that read: “I’ve Lost My Mansmell” and “I Have a Case Of Pit Tsunamis” and “I smell Like A Caged Turtle.” Check it out: http://www.oldspice.com Who doesn’t want to “smell like freedom.”
Christmas morning 2009. I hope that package over there under the tree with my name on it is a bottle of Old Spice. Even though my wife would be pretty excited if it was a bottle of Hai Karate.
