“Hello? Who’s this?”
“John?”
“No, it’s Pearl.”
“Pearl? Why do you sound like a man?”
“That was Earl. He’s on here too.”
“Hey y’all.”
“Earl, how’s that gout?” Continue reading
I have a strange job. I roam around businesses and look for ways to solve problems. In that roaming, now and then, I meet some interesting people. I met one last week at a pharmacy.
I was looking around the store at items aimed at senior citizens, hearing aids, adult diapers, blood pressure monitors and such. An old man, probably about 70 years old and thin as a sapling limb, stood near the pharmacy desk waiting for his prescription. As I examined the hearing aid batteries, he turned and asked in a low voice, “Can you hear me?” Continue reading

I’m not Dutch and the chunk of cast iron on the counter does not look like an oven unless you are a cowboy, but this thing can cook like Bobby Flay with a grudge. It will make a good cook out of anyone, even if you have no defined recipes, which, I believe, is the whole point: a Dutch oven is its own recipe. Continue reading

If you want to lose weight, eat at the hospital. The selection is a lot like your high school cafeteria and tastes so bad you can probably shed 10 pounds a week just sliding your plastic tray across the metal rail, avoiding something that might be mashed potatoes or could be oatmeal or even grits. Hard to tell, even after you eat them. They always have meat, however. At least it appears to have once been part of an animal. I saw a piece of animal-shaped meat that resembled something I saw on Animal Planet from New Zealand. Cannot remember the name, however. A Tuatara, maybe?
Excuse me for a second. (mumbling in background) Continue reading
Rudy, our Jack Russell, has taken to acting like a cat. I never thought I would type those words.
He drapes his carcass on the backs of recliners and chairs and the couch for no good reason, as if anything else he does has a reason. Rudy is not a good cat imitator. Look at his face up there. You can tell his heart is just not in this thing. Yet he does it every day. Continue reading

A fried egg is as close to God’s original menu for Adam and Eve as anything I can think of. A fried egg sandwich will forgive several types of low-ranking sins according to a preacher I used to know. Continue reading